Sunday, July 27, 2025

Still Alive, Still Speaking Out: A Memoir of Land 3050 Hectares , Betrayal, and Defiance

Fighting a Borderless War , A Personal Testimony of Land Rights, Criminalization, and Resistance in Indonesia (2007-2017)


Three thousands and fifty hectares or 7,537 acres land in Putat Rokan Hilir, Riau, Indonesia belong to PT. Ria Estella. "Billions of US dollars burned up and robbed."


Foreword

I did not write this memoir to mourn my suffering or to seek pity. I wrote it to declare that I am still alive  even though they wanted me dead. I am still standing even though they tried to bring me down.

This journey has been filled with wounds, but also with lessons. I know that my struggle is just a small part of a much larger and heavier story. Across the archipelago, there are still many voices silenced, and many truths hidden behind the shadows of power.

But I believe that as long as there are those brave enough to speak out, as long as there are those who dare to resist, there is hope for this nation. Struggles are never in vain, because every small step leads toward greater change.

This memoir is my voice the voice of a woman who never gave up. I dedicate this voice to those who have lost theirs, to those who are wounded, and to those still walking the same path of resistance.

Let us keep the voice of truth alive. Because when that voice disappears, darkness will take over the land.

And I choose to live in the light, even though the path is full of obstacles.




Chapter 1: Hunted by Shadows, Betrayed by My Own Country

Every person carries wounds. But not all wounds are visible. Some are hidden behind smiles, others are buried deep by systems that never take our side. This is my story not fiction, not drama, but a harsh reality from a homeland that was meant to protect me, but instead stripped me bare.


Several years ago, my life changed drastically. It started with a land conflict involving a 3,050-hectare concession legally owned by PT Ria Estella in the Putat area of Rokan Hilir, Riau. This was a legitimate estate, later seized by actors masquerading as farmers who were, in fact, pawns of the land mafia.


At first, I thought it was just a typical land dispute. I was wrong. This wasn’t about property it was about power, conspiracy, and a deadly game. I was surrounded. Lies were spread from all directions. My reputation was destroyed, and even my private life was dragged into the chaos. I was followed, threatened, and nearly killed in an assassination attempt.


In the span of a year, I had to move between more than thirteen apartments in Jakarta just to escape the pursuit of the “invisible hand.” Strange items were sent to my home a silent message of threat. My police reports were dismissed as trivial. None were acted upon.


One by one, officials who tried to help mediate the conflict died under mysterious circumstances. A department head who supported us died suddenly without a clear cause. Other district heads in Rohil met the same fate. All while we were fighting for justice through legal channels.


The threats didn’t stop with me. An environmental officer who rejected a multi-billion rupiah bribe was forced to resign for fear of his life. Law enforcers who initially supported us suddenly went silent. Some were approached by intellectual actors behind the scenes, including a university lecturer who posed as a “hero of the farmers” and is now a figure in Apkasindo. He contacted a prosecutor we had worked with and began spreading false claims that I was insane, abandoned, and had been deserted by my husband who fled overseas. Lies designed to assassinate my character.


Worse yet, the lecturer's wife and others supporting him were from Samosir, forming a small but dangerous network. They orchestrated every move to eliminate me from this fight. There were even signs that they had planned to poison me. I was not targeted simply over land I was targeted because I refused to kneel. I refused to give in.


Indonesia stayed silent. The state was too busy pleasing investors and oligarchs to hear the cries of its own people. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to write like this. But one thing is certain: I will keep speaking out even if mine is the only voice left.


Chapter 2: Letters, Pleas, and Silence from State Authorities

I didn’t give up in the face of threats. After enduring repeated terror and slander, I took the most rational and lawful step I reported everything to law enforcement.


I went to the local police, the district office, the provincial police, even sent formal reports to National Police HQ. I didn’t come empty-handed I brought legal documents, land ownership certificates, recordings, and a full chronology of crimes committed on PT Ria Estella’s land. This wasn’t just a land grab. It was large-scale illegal logging orchestrated by land mafia disguised as farmers.


But I didn’t find justice. I found fear.


On the ground, officers looked away, passed responsibility, or went silent after a while. Some who initially supported us suddenly disappeared. Everything I fought for vanished into a dark corridor with no echo.


I didn’t stop there. I escalated the case to the Ministry of Agriculture, hoping for a breakthrough or at least legal protection for a legitimate investment. But instead of protection, I found fear and hesitation. Ministry officials, who should’ve stood firm for agrarian justice, fidgeted and danced around words. I could see it they were being watched. They were afraid to cross powerful interests.


But who were they afraid of? That question kept repeating. I witnessed firsthand how the land mafia and illegal logging networks held invisible power. They accessed strategic information, manipulated legal narratives, even influenced officials and state apparatus. These were not street thugs. These were polished agents of a deeply entrenched land oligarchy.


Meanwhile, forest destruction continued. Logs from illegal logging were sold without permits, drying up water sources and displacing communities. Ironically, those labeled as polluters or illegal actors were the ones fighting to protect land with lawful permits.


The state was present but not on our side. In every legal process we followed, the mafia stayed one step ahead. They infiltrated institutions, steered media coverage, and even tried to silence us through academic and social channels.


I still remember one meeting with ministry representatives. When I presented all the evidence, the room fell into an eerie silence. No one dared to decide. I wasn’t begging for pity I was demanding justice based on fact. But justice, it seemed, had to queue and the queue was owned by capital.


I left that room with a bitter heart. When ministries fear the mafia, the state has already lost its courage.


Chapter 3: From Silence to Public Spotlight

After wandering through every corridor of the state system, I realized something: justice is hard to find not because the law is absent, but because it is not enforced. Not because the authorities are unaware, but because many are afraid, compromised, or infiltrated.


I could no longer rely solely on formal procedures. So I made a critical decision " take this to the public."


I compiled a comprehensive report permits, illegal logging footage, company registration documents, and records of the threats I had endured. I sent them to various media outlets. Some refused. Some said it was “too sensitive.” But some dared to publish. That was the first crack in the wall of silence.


I reached out to members of Parliament particularly from Commissions II and IV dealing with land and agriculture. Some met with me discreetly. They read my reports carefully. But most admitted they couldn’t do much. There was pressure, there were orders, and there was an invisible force shaping land politics in this country.


One parliamentary staffer even told me, “Don’t interfere with the investments of tycoons and cronies. Our country isn’t entirely free.”


That line stuck with me. I realized this fight wasn’t just over land. It was about sovereignty. Whether Indonesia could still defend its people and laws from the rule of money.


So I filed new reports. I sent them to the National Human Rights Commission, the Ombudsman, even international watchdogs like Human Rights Watch and Global Witness. I knew it was a long and risky path. But if my own country failed to uphold justice, then the world needed to know how land mafia had hijacked democracy.


I also started educating local communities farmers, indigenous leaders, villagers misled by manipulation. I taught them what land rights are, how environmental crimes work, and what constitutional protections they hold. I wasn’t just defending corporate land I was reigniting a sense of dignity.


I knew I was being watched. Some tried to infiltrate my circle. Others returned with compromise offers. But I had crossed the line. What I was fighting for was no longer just land it was principle.


That principle: this nation must not bow to power hidden behind permits but operating against the law.


As this journey continued, I started writing this narrative for the next generation. This isn’t just a case file. It’s a memoir of resistance. Proof that when all institutions are silent, truth must still speak.



Chapter 4: When War Knows No Bounds in Criminalization and Terror

As my voice began to gain recognition and a wave of grassroots resistance started to rise, retaliation from those in power intensified. My adversaries realized that destroying my character was far easier than confronting the truth I carried. I became the target of systematic criminalization.

False accusations poured down like heavy rain. Claims that I was “mentally unstable,” “incapable of self-care,” and even rumors that I had been “abandoned by a husband who fled overseas” were spread strategically. This smear campaign was not random  it was orchestrated by a tightly connected network, including a university lecturer once praised as a hero of agrarian justice, now reduced to a propaganda tool.

Psychological warfare escalated. My movements were tracked. Threats arrived through phone calls and messages. Suspicious packages began arriving at my apartment. I was forced to move more than thirteen times in a single year just to stay alive.

They infiltrated my network. Trusted individuals abruptly changed behavior some pulled away out of fear, others appeared to be complicit. A group posing as “defenders of indigenous custom” and “peasant fighters” turned out to be agents of the land mafia, using cultural rhetoric to mask their violent land-grabbing agenda.

Most terrifying was learning of a plot to assassinate me  a plan confirmed by credible sources. The method was to be undetectable: poison or a fatal agent known locally as putas. The group was reportedly led by the wife of one of the main actors in this conflict  a woman from Samosir  who allegedly recruited local youths to carry out the murder.

This was a war without front lines. Not only against individuals trying to seize my land, but also against a system that allowed such criminality to flourish unchecked. The police, who should have protected me, often turned a blind eye or worse, acted in ways that increased my fear. Government officials chose silence and inaction over justice.

Still, I endured. I knew surrender was not an option. The threats were real, but retreat was not. This fight had grown far beyond me  it had become a fight for truth, for land, for justice, and against tyranny itself.

Amid the terror, I found strength from within and from a few people who stood by me. Their belief in the truth became a flicker of light in an otherwise pitch-black corridor.


Chapter 5: Light in the Darkness  "Solidarity and Resilience"

In the darkest hours, I discovered a flicker of hope through those who refused to give up on justice. Though few in number, their support was powerful. From them, I learned that resistance is not only about facing enemies  it's about building strength through solidarity.

I began weaving a web of resistance. Old friends, environmental advocates, respected elders, and a few brave officials offered their support  in the form of moral encouragement, legal assistance, and even physical protection during sensitive meetings.

Communities once divided began to realize the truth behind the land conflict. I joined them in organizing village meetings and informal discussions to raise awareness on agrarian rights and environmental protection. This collective awakening grew into a form of grassroots defense, a social wall against the mafia’s advance.

I also committed to safeguarding my mental and physical health. The battle was not just external  it was spiritual, emotional, and psychological. I journaled daily, turned to prayer and solitude for strength, and learned to rise each time I fell. Resilience became my discipline.

International support began to trickle in. NGOs and human rights organizations slowly opened their eyes and ears to my story. They began helping amplify it, reminding the world that the fight against land mafias and corruption is not only a local concern, but a global human rights crisis.

In the face of continued threats, I saw the power of collective resistance. This struggle is not mine alone. It belongs to every voice silenced by fear. Together, we became stronger. Together, we survived.


Chapter 6: Speaking Truth on the Global Stage

With justice blocked at every level within my own country, I knew I had to find another path. The fight could not end just because my homeland refused to hear it. The world is vast and there are those who still believe in justice.

I began reaching out to international bodies the United Nations, Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch — organizations committed to protecting the rights of people and the environment. My aim was simple: to ensure this was no longer treated as a private or local matter, but recognized as a global warning.

I worked painstakingly to compile official reports: organizing evidence, structuring chronologies, and preparing thorough documentation. It was a new kind of battle  fighting for my voice to be formally heard in international legal and diplomatic systems known for their complexity and slowness.

But this step renewed my hope. When my submissions were acknowledged and international officers responded, I realized I was no longer alone. I had become part of a global movement  a struggle for dignity, truth, and justice.

I reflected often: this war wasn’t just about defending land or reputation. It was about defending what makes us human our right to safety, to justice, to truth. Courage, I learned, is not the absence of fear  it is acting in spite of it. And justice, no matter how delayed, must be pursued because truth cannot be permanently buried.

This struggle, I now understand, is not only my burden. It is a legacy one that I fight to leave for future generations.


Chapter 7: Legacy and Hope — A Message for the Next Generation

This journey has transformed me. From someone who simply wanted to protect land and reputation, I became a witness to the collapse of systems meant to protect the vulnerable. I saw the darkest sides of power  where justice is muted by money, and courage rewarded with death threats.

Yet I also discovered something priceless: hope is the most powerful force we possess.

To the young generation reading this:
Never be afraid to speak up.
Never stay silent in the face of injustice.
The world may be heavy and unfair, but change always starts with the courage of one voice.

Learn your rights. Understand justice. And dare to stand firm. Don’t let your voice be drowned out by the noise of the powerful. You are not alone.

This fight was never just for me. It was for you so that one day, no one else has to suffer what I endured. So that this country becomes a place where fairness and dignity are real, not just slogans.

I hope this testimony serves as a reminder: behind every legal number and policy document, there is a human life  one that bleeds, struggles, and dares to hope. Don't let them fight alone.

In the end, I believe that truth always finds its path. And as long as we still dream and fight, hope will never die.


Chapter 8: A New Beginning of Hope and Pain in a New Land

We have now settled in Canada  my husband’s hometown  a place that offers us a new chance to live with dignity, safety, and freedom. For the first time in a long while, our three children can attend school in peace, opening doors to a future filled with possibilities and hope. Watching them learn, grow, and dream in this new environment fills my heart with cautious optimism. It is a hope hard-won, born from struggle and sacrifice.

Yet, amid the promise of this fresh start, the pain remains deeply rooted inside us. Indonesia the land of our birth, our memories, and our fight is torn within our souls. It lives in the scars we carry, in the stories we tell, and in the silent spaces where grief still dwells. That pain does not fade simply because the distance between us and our homeland has grown; it stays with us. It will always be there, a constant reminder of the battles we fought and the injustices endured.

Still, courage fuels us to face each day with determination. Here in Canada, we have the opportunity to rebuild, to nurture safety and hope for our children, and to heal wounds that seemed insurmountable. This new chapter is both a refuge and a platform — a place where our voices can be heard without fear, and where our family can grow strong in the shelter of freedom.

We carry the weight of the past, but we also carry a vision of a better tomorrow. The promise of a future where our children can thrive without fear, where justice and dignity are not just ideals but lived realities. Though the shadows of our history linger, so does our resolve  to honor the truth we fought for, and to embrace the hope that this new land offers.

This journey has shown me that healing is not linear, and hope is not naive. They are acts of courage  conscious decisions to look beyond pain and to believe in the power of new beginnings. Canada is now our home, but Indonesia remains in our hearts. And as we move forward, we carry both with us  a painful past, and a bright horizon.


https://manusiaintegritas.blogspot.com/2025/10/agrarian-crimes-in-indonesia-how-state.html


(Ellis Ambarita Dickran)



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